The holiday season can be a complex and challenging time for many people. While the images of joyful gatherings and shared celebrations dominate our cultural expectations, the reality is that not everyone experiences this time of year as merry.
Some families face fractures—individuals who choose to disconnect entirely, declining to participate in family celebrations or even maintaining year-round distance. At its most extreme, this can take the form of ghosting, where someone severs ties completely with parents, siblings, or extended family. These losses often feel most painful during the holidays, a time when society encourages togetherness, joy, and abundance.
Another deeply painful situation occurs when a family is grieving the death of a loved one. The pressure to be cheerful during the holidays can amplify the grief already felt, as cherished memories of past holidays resurface and highlight the absence of the person who has passed. The loved one may also be a Doerr pet.
For others, mental health struggles—such as depression or anxiety—make the holidays even harder. A season that calls for joy and excitement can feel nearly impossible to endure. It reminds me of the iconic scene from It’s a Wonderful Life, where Jimmy Stewart’s character becomes suicidal on Christmas Eve. After lashing out at his children, he stands on the brink of a bridge, ready to jump, before being saved by an angel.
The terrifying scene from It’s a Wonderful Life resonates with me because it mirrors a personal struggle: my father often battled depression during Christmas, a result of losing both his mother and grandmother around the holidays when he was just a boy. As a child, I didn’t understand my father’s sadness. But his mood cast a long shadow over my own experience of Christmas. Even now, I have to work hard to keep the sadness at bay, relying on therapy, exercise, and even light therapy to help me navigate the season.
Adding to this complexity, I grew up Jewish in a predominantly Christian neighborhood. Waking up as an only child on Christmas morning while others unwrapped gifts and celebrated together made me feel deeply isolated.
On top of emotional and relational struggles, many people face financial distress during the holidays. The emphasis on gift-giving, expensive celebrations, and lavish meals reminds them of how they are so challenged to keep up with the expenses, seemingly required to “have a merry Christmas.“
And let’s not forget that late December brings the darkest days of the year, literally. With shorter days and less sunshine, many of us are susceptible to seasonal mood changes.
Here are a few ways to approach the holidays with greater awareness and compassion:
- Acknowledge that the holidays are not joyful for everyone. Reach out to your friends and family. Ask them how they’re truly feeling this season, and listen without judgment.
- Be generous to those in need. If you have the resources, consider donating to nonprofits, supporting food banks, or even offering cash to those struggling financially.
- If you’re struggling yourself, know you’re not alone. Many people feel a mix of emotions during this time of year. Be kind to yourself and seek support when needed.
- Recognize grief and trauma in others. Many people carry the weight of loss or past trauma through the holidays. A small act of kindness or understanding can help lighten that burden.
- Be a source of light. Ancient holiday traditions stem from the fear that the sun might not return during these darkest days. As we wait for the light to grow, think about ways you can bring light into someone else’s life—through compassion, generosity, or simply showing up with love and care. By bringing light to others, you brighten yourself.