Most of us want to have an impact – and not only at work. We realize it’s not enough just to have a title on the door. We want to have influence in civic life or in a faith-based or social network or movement. We want time to take care of our bodies and our souls, and we don’t want to be strangers in our own homes.
The challenge for all of us is to find a way, every day, to attend to each of these areas, even in small ways. The tools we use to restore balance at work can carry over to other parts of our lives.
One of the most important points to keep in mind is that, to be a balanced individual, we must be in tune with others. We can’t be a lone wolf. We have to move with the pack, and the individuals within the pack must work together or all will perish. We must realize that no one can do it all by themselves.
People who are effective today must be multidimensional. We cannot survive as pedal-to-the-metal types who do nothing but work for the bottom line. We must be able to shift our focus nimbly from one arena to the next. We must learn to not only work intensely, but then rest intensely. We must get things accomplished, but we can’t expend all of their energy in one area to the detriment of others. And we have to learn that we can’t try to do everything at once. Nor can we take care of everyone who needs us. While we cannot achieve balance every day, we must do it over time.
A Simple Place to Start
When I work with my clients, I often use an exercise, a precursor to setting goals, that helps them zero in on areas needing work.
Your Personal Ecosystem: the five key spheres of life
The exercise goes like this:
- Imagine that you are at the center of a personal ecosystem.
- Swirling around you are five circles, symbols of the main spheres of influence in your life.
- Now, draw a line from the SELF in the middle to each of the spheres.
- If the relationship is strong and there are no major issues, draw a solid line.
- If the relationship is strained in some way, or you feel there is unfinished business or some minor problem, draw a dotted line.
- If the relationship has a serious problem, draw a jagged line.
When people do this exercise honestly, they can quickly pinpoint areas where they have tension and stress. The next step is to set goals or an action plan to address the problems.
In one case, a man who was estranged from his son initially refused to take the first step to patch things up. But once he realized that waiting for the son to contact him wasn’t going to work, he decided to take the initiative. He realized that he probably owed his son an apology and that that would go a long way toward drawing them back together.
In another instance, a man who was both overweight and a smoker used many excuses to ignore his problems. He couldn’t stop smoking because he feared he’d gain more weight, and he couldn’t exercise because the effects of smoking would leave him winded. To break the do-nothing cycle, I suggested he first consult a doctor. He finally did and discovered there was a medication that could help him quit smoking.
Almost anything can be resolved if you isolate the problem and set a course of action. Acting will make you feel better immediately. But if you remain in denial and do nothing, chances are the problem will eat away at you.