ls Your Thinking Making You Miserable?

When l first moved to New York City in 1968, after graduating from the University of Michigan, l was alone. Unless l could find a teaching job l was going to be drafted into the Vietnam War. It didn’t take me long to realize l was becoming depressed and anxious.

 

Having been a psychology major, I knew psychotherapy could help, but l could not afford it. In college, l had admired the work of Psychologist Albert Ellis, and his development of Rational Emotive Therapy, now known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I checked out his institute for Rational Living and found out that Ellis demonstrated his therapy on volunteers in front of a Live audience. l was so impressed by Ellis’ work that I joined one of his Saturday therapy groups.

 

l have to say I was transformed by the experience. l learned that it was not any specific situation that made a person anxious, but how the person interpreted that situation. l realized that rather than focusing on the sunny side of life, I had been taught to be very cautious and pessimistic about life. The experience of therapy was a key element in my decision to go to graduate school in psychology at Harvard and my decision to ask Pat to marry me.

 

Today, almost fifty years later, l still practice Rational Emotive Therapy. This method teaches people to recognize faulty, irrational thinking and to replace it with a more rational, cognitively based approach to life. It has been the cornerstone of my personal and professional approach. l utilize it with all of my coaching and clinical clients.

 

Here are some of the core concepts of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that you can use in your daily life.

• Recognize when you are making yourself upset by clinging to irrational and faulty thinking.
• Strive to understand HOW others are thinking about situations before you judge them.
• When you are troubled, get past any stigma that you have that therapy is a sign of weakness. Rather, reinterpret your thinking to see therapy as a sign of strength and courage.
• Recognize that there are three musts that hold us back: l must do well, you must treat me well, the world must be easy and fair.
• Stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself (e.g. telling yourself you should be loved and approved of by everyone for everything you do).

 

Challenge Your Irrational ldeas

 

Many of life’s problems stem not so much from the things that happen to us as from how we interpret these events. Whether we realize it or not, most of us carry around one or more irrational ideas that act as filters for our experiences. These may cause us to react more strongly and inappropriately to events than is warranted.

In his research, psychologist Albert Ellis identified a famous “dirty dozen” of these irrational ideas. See if you recognize yourself in any of them:

1. Adults must be loved by significant others for almost everything they do.
2. Certain acts are awful or wicked, and the people who perform them should be damned.
3. It’s horrible when things are not the way we like them to be.
4. Human misery is invariably externally caused and forced on us by outside people and events.
5. If something is or may be dangerous or fearsome, we should be terribly upset and obsess about it endlessly.
6. It’s easier to avoid than to face life’s difficulties and responsibilities.
7. We absolutely need something or someone stronger or greater than ourselves on which to rely.
8. We should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects.
9. Because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it.
10. We must have certain and perfect control over things.
11. Human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction.
12. We have virtually no control over our emotions and cannot help feeling disturbed about things.

 

Once you learn to recognize your irrational baggage, you can challenge those assumptions as they arise and close the Iid on them.

 

Your Assignment: 

Which of the twelve irrational ideas do you recognize? Highlight your top three. Reflect on ways in which these three might interfere with your health and success. Be vigilant on how they may interfere with your thinking. Develop a plan for learning to challenge these thoughts.