From my perspective as a psychologist working with families for over 40 years, I believe today’s young couples face more complex challenges than in any previous generation. Here are some of the factors which make it so difficult for young couples today.
- Raising children is even more costly, especially at the preschool level.
- More often than not, both adult members of the family have to manage careers. Dual career income is usually required to be able to make ends meet.
- While gender roles are changing, women generally have to manage children and home life more than men do.
- With globalization and mobility, couples move frequently and live far away from their families and friends.
- The change of pace in technology is increasing and threatening the jobs of many young people. Often they are forced to work in the gig economy, not because they want to but because they have to.
A few weeks ago, I posted about the questions couples need to ask themselves to help with planning for the future http://robpasick.com/family-systems-approach-career-planning/.
In response to this posting, a 35-year old woman wrote the following summary of her situation. I believe it captures many of the complexities faced by couples today.
My husband and I left Boston where we had met and had both worked successfully for over a decade, in order to pursue a new and exciting job opportunity for me in another country. I was amazed and proud that my husband was willing to put his career on hold for me. Six months later, I got pregnant. That’s when I realized I had chosen a time in life to place my career first when I was simultaneously both mentally and physically pulled toward being home and taking care of myself and baby. I did not realize how strong that pull would be! I think my inclination to defy traditional gender roles blinded me to how hard it would be to be the sole breadwinner during this time, and we did not factor it into our family planning.
Meanwhile, gender stereotypes play into how my husband sees himself since he is no longer the breadwinner in our family. He has adjusted well to managing our home and being a caretaker, but also talks about feeling guilty for not “providing” more for our family in a traditional sense. As wonderful as it is to see him supporting me and taking care of the baby, I also miss seeing that side of him where he is excelling in his career and confident at his job the way he was when we met. It takes work for both of us to release ourselves from unconscious expectations based on traditional gender roles.
All this to say I’m not sure we would do it differently, but these are factors I wish we’d thought about more when making our decisions!
Please join me in my effort to do research and write about the dilemmas facing young couples today. If you would be willing to share your story with me, I’d be happy to interview you in person or over the phone.
Thanks,
Rob