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No matter what the excuse, to resort to violence because one feels disrespected or one’s spouse has been disrespected is completely out of line.
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Feeling disrespected it’s just a feeling. We must recognize it as our own tender egos that get us worked up. We have to remind ourselves that someone else’s behavior is their problem. We have no need to make it ours.
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We must pledge to ourselves that we will never resort to violence when we get angry. This even includes pounding a table or any other behavior that is perceived as threatening by the other person.
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We must remember that we can not ever control others. If we don’t like what someone else is doing, we can tell them, but it is not in our power to make them change their ways.
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Losing self-control happens frequently, but it’s not inevitable. When we feel ourselves losing self-control, we need to exit ourselves from the situation as quickly as possible. We need take time to calm down.
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We all have the capacity to be a bully; to try to use our power over others who are less capable of defending themselves.
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It does not matter how we have been treated throughout our lives. Past experiences are no justification for violence. Life is hard. Most of us have had distressing things happen to us when we were growing up. These are in the past. We can’t justify our behavior in the present by what happened in the past.
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Even though we may never resort to physical violence, we all lose our tempers. Remember, when we lose our temper, when we shout or pound the table, it scares anyone around. Inevitably, our temper outbursts have the effect of intimidating others.
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Losing our temper can make us lose perspective on where we are and who we are.
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For men, too often we revert to our childhood conditioning which teaches us to never back down when we experience ourselves as being disrespected or our manhood threatened.
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We are taught that a real man stands up for his partner, who is perceived as weaker and in need of our protection.
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Many people make jokes to be funny but are not funny to us. If we are the object of a joke like this, we need to learn to let it go. It’s no cause to get in somebody’s face.
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We need to learn how and when to apologize. Giving an apology is very difficult and must be done in a thoughtful and timely manner. If we have railed against someone, we need to give ourselves time to think it through. Usually, when we try to apologize too early, we end up on the attack again.
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The worst kind of apology is one in which we say “I’m sorry, but…” The ‘but’ usually has to do with blaming the person who was the recipient of the anger.
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We all need to learn methods for calming down including practices like meditation, writing out the problem, deep breathing, or talking to someone else.
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Respect and trust are earned one teaspoon at a time. However, when one acts out, they are lost by the bucket. Furthermore, respect and trust may never be regained.
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When we lose our temper with someone, the relationship will never be the same. An important relationship may be lost forever.