As you probably already know, I am an inveterate learner, especially when it comes to psychology, self-awareness, and ways to improve our lives. We are now one month into the new year and I would like to present some of the things I have learned this month. As always, I hope this can be a two-way street: please share what you are learning along the journey called “life”.
1. Best Psychological Concept Learned: “Radical Acceptance” an important concept to make life better. Radical acceptance is at its core the concept of “having the serenity to accept the things we cannot change”. Too often I see myself and others fretting over things that we have no control over. This might include: things that have happened in the past; attributes in ourselves that we cannot change; attributes in others that we cannot change; and circumstances in the world that we cannot change. We often do self-destructive things to fight reality. These include: dwelling mentally on disappointments from the past and being angry at people we cannot change With effort and training, we can learn to focus our energy on the present and on the future to improve the life that we have, no matter how it has been presented to us.
2. Best New Habit: I’ve always found it difficult to get started exercising without a workout routine. For the past few months, I have been working out with a trainer on a regular basis. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my strength, balance, and in my gait. Two lessons learned: first, working out with a trainer is much more fun and productive, second, working out on a consistent basis makes all the difference in making progress.
3. Best Book Read This Month:Shuggie Bain, a semi-autobiographical novel written by a Scottish author, Douglas Snyder. The book tells the story of a poor Scottish family where the mother is a strong woman who suffers with alcoholism. Shuggie is a young, highly-sensitive boy who from age 5 to 15 has to deal with his mother’s alcoholism. I found it to be a gripping book with deep psychological insight. Ultimately, it is a love story about two sons and their mother. My book group found it very sad but also highly rewarding.
4. Most Inspiring Experience: Spending three days with my 99-year-old mother-in- law, Jean. She is completely independent and so sharp that she consistently beats me in mah-jongg, a complicated game that she taught me. She also has (tried) to teach me to: finish one thing before I have started another; follow a morning and an evening routine; exercise daily; use your mind actively as much as you can; laugh a lot; keep learning; and spend time with friends.
Most Inspiring Experience Runner-Up: Having coffee with my friends outside in 10 degree weather.
5. Best Quote: “Trust Is gained is gained in teaspoons but lost in buckets” Peter Hancock, quoted in The New Yorker.
6. Best Shout Out To A Local Company:Soar Technology Inc. “DARPA” (The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) has hired SoarTech, an A.I. research-and-development firm based in Ann Arbor, to build a “trust model,” which aims to verify self-reported trust with the hard data from O.P.L.’s “Cognitive Assessment Tool Set”. Read more about the full article here.
7. Best Advice From An Audio Book: I enjoyed listening to the book Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. Four thousand weeks is , for most of us, the amount of time we have in our lives. While this is a sobering thought, it’s a good reminder to live intentionally. “It’s not that we have a limited amount of time but that WE ARE a limited amount of time.” Four Thousand Weeks.
8. Great Advice At Any Age: Don’t let somebody tell you, “you can’t do something”. If you think you can, use their negativity as motivation to keep at it .
9. My Best Idea Of The Month: I asked some of my best friends to join me and my wife Pat in a Zoom based movie club. It’s like a book club where we all watch the movie ahead of time (via streaming) then discuss it as a group on Zoom. Our first movie was “The Lost Daughter”- reactions were positive and discussion was enjoyable and insightful.
10. A Life To Be Remembered: Ann Hartman, one of my most important mentors, died at the age of 94. Ann was one of the most brilliant, courageous, adventurous, and creative person I have ever known. Her partner of over 45 years, Joan Laird, wrote an awesome tribute to her, which I’d like to share through this link.
